I AM STRUGGLING

 

Some of you may know that I have started a side biz selling magical, unicorn hair inducing products.  I am seriously loving it.  It’s pushed me out of my comfort zone, I have learned a ton and I’m starting to make some money!

 

So what’s the problem??

 

I can’t stop thinking about it.  And I also can’t stop thinking about this blog.  Two of my favorite things are warring with each other.  Which do I do first?  Which is more important?

 

And what about work?  I HAVE to work or I get fired.  I need to work but I don’t WANT to work.  Which is weird because I really like my job.  Selling shampoo and being part of a team with a ton of high energy feeds my soul the way my job can’t.

Needs vs Wants

 

Then what about my kids and my house?? I get resentful when they need something because it takes away from my time trying to get a new lead.  My brain is going  haywire.  All of these things take time and energy and I think I’m doing a bad job at them all.

 

  • I want to post on Facebook about hair
  • I need to do spreadsheet analysis
  • Shit!  The AC guy is here to see if I need a new furnace
  • Do I sit with him or go back to work?
  • I need to email Moo’s teacher about a permission slip
  • I also need to go to care.com to get a new morning babysitter
  • 5 more minutes on facebook to see if I’m getting any engagement
  • I want to write a blog post
  • Boo hasn’t had a bath in 2 weeks (totally not kidding)
  • I need to do a facebook live
  • I have 10 jobs that need to be evaluated
  • The dog needs to go out
  • I need to pay bills
  • I’m almost out of bagels, where is my grocery list?
  • I need to return the popcorn machine from Moo’s birthday party…. (I really don’t want to do that)
  • Taxes!  Shit! I need to do my taxes.  And email the chic who helps me with my taxes because they need to be filed in two weeks and she probably thinks I’m dead
  • I need to do laundry because I’m out of underwear
  • Did I remember to turn over the laundry?
  • I’ve missed 5 out of 10 days since I started 21 day fix
  • I need sleep

 

All these things are going on in my head at once.  I become paralyzed because I don’t know what to do first.  When I work on something that I HAVE to work on, I’m thinking about the things I WANT to work on.  And when I finally succumb to the things I WANT to do, I am totally distracted and fee guilty because of the things I NEED to do to keep my life rolling along with as few bumps as possible.

 

Why can’t I just do what I want??

 

This is really making me upset actually.  I feel like I’m failing in every aspect.  I do not do my job half-assed but apparently that’s what I’m doing.  Headphones usually work to help me focus on the house but it’s not working.  I need to get out of this cycle and I’m having a really hard time figuring out how to do that.  And I’m freaking tired!! I can’t focus on anything when I’m this tired.

 

I am sure I’ll figure it out but for now I feel out of control.  I’ll take any suggestions you have.

 

What’s distracting me?

Uh… duh!  See above…..

 

And my fucking Tiles all died!  They cannot come soon enough.

What’s distracting you?

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12 Comments

  1. I have never actually spoken to another ADHD mom. Your description of life could be mine, almost EXACTLY! Every time I try to express how a million thoughts are running through my head at once, the usual response I get is, that’s everyone…we’re all busy! OMG, it’s totally not the same!!! When I was home with my kids, when they were little, I used to call my mom and ask her what I should do, where should I start? It’s all important stuff!!! What the frick?!

    • Happy Reply

      Hi Denise! I’m so sorry for the delay in responding. Welcome to the tribe and I’d love to talk you about being a mom with ADHD whenever you want! I’m doing a lot on the blog right now, making some changes that I’m hoping will really help the ADHD moms and dads and adults in general. I love this community. No one gets us, our spouses, our parents, our children or friends. We need to rely on each other. Come back soon and see what’s new!

  2. It’s nice to see such an accurate description of what actually goes on in my brain. I struggle with making obvious mistakes at my busy job that seem so obvious to others that don’t struggle with ADHD. The feelings of guilt about what needs to be done and what I want to do is immense.

    • Happy Reply

      I’m so glad you relate Crystal. It’s a struggle for sure. I’m trying to find compassion for myself as well as remind myself that I am not like my coworkers, never will be and that is totally okay. Easier said that done, huh? 🙂

    • Happy Reply

      At least we know we aren’t alone! Thanks so much for commenting Sharon!

    • Happy Reply

      I’m working on it. Some days are great and others suck royally. Audible, listening to a good book helps with housework. But it doesn’t help me when I have to “work” and I’d rather be folding laundry. And if work is boring then it’s extra hard. It really comes down to discipline. Sometimes I can force myself and sometimes I can’t. I set timers and make myself work for and hour or so. I wish I had a better answer for you.

  3. I so glad to know I’m not the only one that goes thru this on a daily basis… my husband doesn’t understand how my brain works… I’ve told him that I need help with housework because when the house is a disaster then my brain is a disaster… then starts the viscous cycle being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start… but he just doesn’t get it…

    • Happy Reply

      If he’s nuerotypical he won’t get it. He will need to do a decent amount of research on his own to try and understand. My only advice is for you when you get in this pattern. There are a few things. First, minimize. Get rid of stuff you don’t need. The less stuff you have, the less there is to clean. The Life-Changing Magic of Tyding up was literally a life-changer for me. The link is on my Favorites page. The other is a mantra that I repeat when I get overwhelmed. Pick up on thing at a time, put away one thing at a time. And I say something like that over and over. And I kind of move from room to room. Say I’m in the living room, if I pick up an item that I am not exactly sure what to do with I move it to the kitchen. I do this until the room is empty. Then I work on the kitchen and I move the things I don’t know what to do with to the next room. This also applies to things that require more attention then “pick up, put down”. By the time I get to all the things in the dining room that I can easily put away, I am left with a much smaller pile of things that require extra brain power. I hope that helps.

  4. This is totally me every day of my life. I really like reading your posts. 👌

    • Happy Reply

      I’m so glad. It’s been a while since I’ve written and entire post. I would love to get back to it. Check out my instagram @happyhypershiny. I am really active over there.

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