A good positive attitude is so important and I don’t always have one. I am not very good at adjusting to change or being flexible. I very often spiral into darkness when one small thing doesn’t happen the way it’s supposed to. If Boo decides she doesn’t want to go to sleep, my very carefully crafted night plans trickle down to ruining my morning plans and next thing I know I have entered the Pit of Despair in my head and I am a loser and stupid and my brain is torturing me like the man with six fingers torturing my Sweet Wesley with The Machine.
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Starting at 9 pm Sunday night, there was a real chance of emotionally criticizing myself. However, in the past few days I had been thinking about how I need to do things differently. I realize that I make all these plans….
I am going to get up at 5 am every day and meditate and work out…
I am going to come home from work and walk the dog for an hour…
I am going to get the girls on a schedule so they can learn to help clean up after themselves and we can get in the tub more than once a week (if I’m lucky)…
….and the second that those plans fall through (often on the very first day) I criticize myself internally and tell myself I’m not good enough. This type of behavior is not okay and doesn’t serve anyone.
So, how can I do things differently? For starters, I need to take out the absolutes. No more should’s, have to’s, every days. Secondly, I can’t do everything. I can’t get up at 5 am every day if on some days I need to stay up late doing some housework to keep up or work on the blog. I also need quiet for my brain and staying up late is sometimes the only way to get it.
So here’s my plan..
On the days I want to get up at 5 am, I have to go to bed early. I need to be asleep by 10:30 the latest. So I need to shoot for 2-3 nights where I go to be early. The same will go for working on the blog and housework and staying up late. I’m going to shoot for an every other day sort of thing. And even more importantly, I am going to go with the flow. If my well laid plans at night don’t go so well, like Sunday night when Moo came to me for the second time in 3 days to tell me her head was itchy, I will need to shift and adjust and remind myself that I can’t do everything. The 4 loads of laundry that need to be folded will just have to wait.
Shit is going to happen. Lice is going to happen. I need to be able to go with the flow and I’m not always so good at that. When my plans change I tend to freak out. The hours of combing could have led me into a dark place. But it didn’t. We have been through the lice thing before and I am completely prepared for it (and we have A LOT of hair). Thank goodness for the Terminator.
I knew I was going to hit roadblocks in my plans and I was going to have to adjust. I didn’t expect a roadblock on day one but I’m pretty stoked that I handled it so well. My morning ended up crazier than I could have imagined. Our new morning babysitter was starting, Boo was all nervous and didn’t want me to leave for work, I forgot my headphones (again), a sweater for my freezing office, my earrings and my good sunglasses. But I remembered my lunch and my computer so it’s still a win.
And I made my train! I’m doing awesome. Adjust, go with the flow. Understanding that I am not a good adjuster has been liberating and has allowed me to be better at it. I know I’m going to have bad days, we all are. If I can be positive and try to go with the flow I can do anything.
What’s distracting me:
Lice Duh! It’s the worst and so gross. It went around the other 3rd grade class at least three times this year. I have no idea how it didn’t make it to Moo’s class. I guess I should consider us lucky. Here’s to a summer of combing and braiding. Sometimes I wish I was a guy and could just shave my head.
What’s distracting you??
You may also have noticed the Princess Bride reference. It is my all time favorite movie. Don’t be surprised if I quote it…a lot. If you haven’t seen it, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Go directly to Amazon and by that shit now.