Hi There! Welcome back.
If you follow me on Instagram you will know that I have had a couple of rough days lately with regards to my ADHD. I even posted my brain purge about it a few days ago.
(If you aren’t following me on Instagram you really should…. see the side bar for the link)
No matter what I did I seemed to mess up somehow. No matter how hard I tried to stay organized, something would get in the way and I would get so frustrated. I would be so excited to check a to-do off the list only to realize there was a follow-up action needed for whatever freaking reason.
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While all this was going on I was trolling Instagram and came across post what included the word Fuck so of course I paid closer attention. It was a post by my new friend Susy Parker (though she doesn’t know we are friends yet so shhhhhh) about a book that had made a huge impact on her. Susy’s daughter has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder, post for another day) which she has written a book about. Susy also struggles with anxiety and is getting tested for ADHD. Go check out her blog, it’s awesome. You can connect with her there on other social media platforms as well.
Anyway… back to my point, the book. The book is called The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck. I knew that this book was going to be right up my alley. I mean come on, it’s got the work Fuck right in the title.
I went out at lunch, went to Borders (I know right? Who buys books at an actual book store anymore.) and bought the book. 20 pages in and I am not only out of my funk by I feel like I can conquer the world. Well, that may be an exaggeration but it allowed me to get out of my pity party and just remember to be me and that IT’S OKAY TO BE ME!
I mean, listen to this:
“A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel the need to convince anybody she’s rich. Either you are or are not. And if you are dreaming of something all the time, then you’re reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over; that you are not that.”
How many times have I compared myself to the mom next door that totally has her shit together. If I’m constantly comparing myself to said mom and wishing I was like her, how could I possibly love myself just the way I am now?
This was awesome too…
“Subtlety #1: Not giving a Fuck does not mean being indifferent. It means being comfortable with being different.”
Uhm, hello McFly? I don’t need to shut out the world in order to be happy. I need to let it all in AND be comfortable in my own skin.
And what about this…?
“While not giving a fuck on the surface may seem simple, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.”
This doesn’t mean anything really. I just think it’s really funny. A bag of burritos!!
I am my biggest enemy. I have the highest most unrealistic expectations of myself. No wonder I am constantly disappointing in myself. I am constantly failing. The question at this point is “why”? Why are my expectations so high? Where did these expectations come from? Are they my true expectations of myself or a manifestation of me as a 7-year old girl trying to be perfect in every which way in order to make her parent and teachers proud.
I’m 39. There are no more elementary school teachers. My parents (though my father is no longer with us) love me unconditionally. Why am I still working so hard to please everyone? If I could care less I’d be a lot happier. I long for the day when Blue Eyes says to me “Did you do X?” my response won’t be to get defensive and combative if I haven’t completed the task. I mean he’s just asking a freaking question!
I want to not give a fuck and be able to not berate myself for not getting a task done. I’m not sitting around watching Dancing with the Stars with my kids running around naked and 5 loads of laundry thrown all over the house. I work hard and commute long hours. It should not that big of a deal if I miss a task here or there. Now if someone could just convince my psyche.
I am really loving this book and am looking forward to what the rest holds for me. If you are interested, there is a link to the book below. I can’t wait to chat with you all about it!
*Picture is all Mark Hanson, the creator of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
What’s distracting me:
My Favorite Murder podcast. It’s so stinking disturbing and so funny at the same time. I want to listen to it all the time. Except when it gets dark. Once it gets dark I totally freak out. I also don’t recommend researching pictures of any of the murders they talk about. Big mistake. Huge!
What’s distracting you?