The second I got pregnant with our oldest, I started freaking out. ADHD is genetic, what if I give it to my baby? I’d like to say I did everything I could while I was pregnant to reduce the risk of giving my child attention issues but I could barely drink enough water for myself on a daily basis. I mean, I wasn’t smoking a pack a day but I did eat a lot of Mac-N-Cheese to-go cups. You can’t blame me! They were the perfect size and I could actually keep them down in my first trimester.

At some point I had to stop freaking and just wait and see. Fast forward 9 years and I watch both Moo and Boo like a hawk. My biggest concern is that we will get mad at the girls for something they cannot control. As a kid, I would run to my best friends house who lived 100 yards away and I would forget to call when I got there. Literally, 100 yards. My parents would remind me as I was walking out the door to call them as soon as I got there and the second I stepped off the deck into the dark scary night, the thought was completely gone. I’d do this almost every single time and I got yelled at a lot over it. Lot’s of “Why can’t you remember, Happy?” And the answer was always “I don’t know.”

I watch my girls, and they are so different and see so many potential signs for ADHD. Moo gets agitated very quickly and then spirals into an emotional tornado. She’s the one I’ve really been watching as she has her some funny quirks that I can’t really put my finger on and had some slight trouble early on making friends in Kindergarten. To be honest, she reminds me a lot of me. Just a little left of center which is awesome when you get older but really hard to handle as a kid.

Boo I haven’t figured out yet. She seems to be all around more stable or at least I thought so until we went to Target this weekend and found myself sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen organization aisle trying to get Boo’s attention. I literally had her sitting in my lap and she could not sit still or take me seriously. She had been running around like a maniac, touching everything and just overall not listening. She’s always kind of like that but it seemed way over the top this time around.

Now, Boo may be acting like a completely normal kid. I DON’T KNOW!! I have no idea what’s normal. I have no idea what behavior is caused by sugar vs disfunctioning neurotransmitters. All I know is that I couldn’t get her to come back to me. She was in complete la la land and wanted to stay there. It was the first real time I’ve wondered if she couldn’t control herself even if she wanted to.

I’m so worried about missing something. I’m worried about overthinking things. I’m worried about giving too much leeway and getting taken advantage of. And I’m really worried about trying to discipline actions that the girls have no control over. Nothing is worse than trying to do what your parents ask you to and then not be able to deliver.

So, for now, I just listen to Moo’s teachers. She is doing great is school and we just picked up some really low level glasses to help with reading since she’s been getting headaches. She’s doing so much better than I did at this age but she’s also a perfectionist and gets bogged down with timed activities and has trouble transitioning. Again, that could be totally normal or she could be in hyper focus and can’t get out of it. I don’t know.

I will watch Boo too. Her preschool teachers have nothing but good things to say and she seems to only act like a crazy person with me. Who knows????

What I do know is that I love them with every ounce of my being and I will do whatever I can to make sure that if either one of them has this disorder that they see it as something that makes them unique and special. I want them to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them the way I wish someone had said to me.

Sooooo, on that happy note I am off to bed. Peace out homies!

Happy

What’s distracting me?

Overwhelm! I have so many ideas for this blog; I have a deadline for work tomorrow at 11am; I need to make my lunch; the gypsy moth’s are back, should I get my yard sprayed; yada, yada, yada. One thing at a time…..

What’s distracting you?

 

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4 Comments

  1. world-turned-upside-down Reply

    Moo reminds me a lot of myself at that age–emotional dysregulation, perfectionist, struggling with transitions, and yet I wasn’t diagnosed because I got good grades and my teachers said I was fine. I wish that my parents had taken me to get assessed, instead of repeatedly telling me how “smart but different” I was. (I was the second child in my family, so it was easier for them to see how I was different from a NT kid.) I hope you don’t mind my giving advice, but I think if you think Moo *might* have ADHD then you have nothing to lose from taking her to get assessed (assuming you don’t have to pay out of pocket for it).

    • Happy Reply

      Thank you so much! This is great advice and I feel slightly validated in my feelings. I don’t think teachers will really be able to tell because she doesn’t have the typical symptoms. Considering you didn’t get diagnosed for the same things we are seeing in Moo, what was your biggest issue (for lack of a better word) that stuck with you until you were diagnosed. For instance, I thought I was stupid and when I was diagnosed and realized I wasn’t, that doubt stuck with me. I am so much better now but even today I doubt myself all the time and wonder if I am capable of doing my job. A job that I’ve been doing for 3 years with great success. So what was yours?

      • world-turned-upside-down Reply

        Instead of thinking I was stupid, I thought I was lazy and selfish. That was basically what my parents told me, because they assumed I *could* do things right and was choosing not to. Similar to you, I was able to work through a lot of it when I figured out I had ADHD, but I’ve realized lately that a lot of that shame is still affecting me.

        • Happy Reply

          It’s crazy. I totally know what you mean. I remember in college saying to my parents that I worked so hard on everything when I don’t really think it’s the truth. Well, what I mean is that for a long time I thought I probably could have worked a lot harder. Overall I probably could have (cause what college student couldn’t work harder?) but now I know that I probably wasn’t able to do much more than I did. I wasn’t medicated or motivated properly. It all seemed so boring and pointless.

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