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Happy

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Hi There!  Welcome back.

If you follow me on Instagram you will know that I have had a couple of rough days lately with regards to my ADHD. I even posted my brain purge about it a few days ago.

(If you aren’t following me on Instagram you really should…. see the side bar for the link)

No matter what I did I seemed to mess up somehow.  No matter how hard I tried to stay organized, something would get in the way and I would get so frustrated.  I would be so excited to check a to-do off the list only to realize there was a follow-up action needed for whatever freaking reason.

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While all this was going on I was trolling Instagram and came across post what included the word Fuck so of course I paid closer attention.  It was a post by my new friend Susy Parker (though she doesn’t know we are friends yet so shhhhhh) about a book that had made a huge impact on her.  Susy’s daughter has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder, post for another day) which she has written a book about.  Susy also struggles with anxiety and is getting tested for ADHD.  Go check out her blog, it’s awesome.  You can connect with her there on other social media platforms as well.

Anyway… back to my point, the book.  The book is called The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck.  I knew that this book was going to be right up my alley.  I mean come on, it’s got the work Fuck right in the title.

I went out at lunch, went to Borders (I know right?  Who buys books at an actual book store anymore.) and bought the book.  20 pages in and I am not only out of my funk by I feel like I can conquer the world.  Well, that may be an exaggeration but it allowed me to get out of my pity party and just remember to be me and that IT’S OKAY TO BE ME!

I mean, listen to this:

“A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident.  A rich woman doesn’t feel the need to convince anybody she’s rich.  Either you are or are not.  And if you are dreaming of something all the time, then you’re reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over; that you are not that.”

How many times have I compared myself to the mom next door that totally has her shit together.  If I’m constantly comparing myself to said mom and wishing I was like her, how could I possibly love myself just the way I am now?

This was awesome too…

“Subtlety #1: Not giving a Fuck does not mean being indifferent. It means being comfortable with being different.”

Uhm, hello McFly?  I don’t need to shut out the world in order to be happy.  I need to let it all in AND be comfortable in my own skin.

And what about this…?

“While not giving a fuck on the surface may seem simple, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood.  I don’t even know what that means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.”

This doesn’t mean anything really.  I just think it’s really funny.  A bag of burritos!!

I am my biggest enemy.  I have the highest most unrealistic expectations of myself.  No wonder I am constantly disappointing in myself.  I am constantly failing.  The question at this point is “why”?  Why are my expectations so high?  Where did these expectations come from?  Are they my true expectations of myself or a manifestation of me as a 7-year old girl trying to be perfect in every which way in order to make her parent and teachers proud.

I’m 39.  There are no more elementary school teachers.  My parents (though my father is no longer with us) love me unconditionally. Why am I still working so hard to please everyone?  If I could care less I’d be a lot happier.  I long for the day when Blue Eyes says to me “Did you do X?” my response won’t be to get defensive and combative if I haven’t completed the task.  I mean he’s just asking a freaking question!

I want to not give a fuck and be able to not berate myself for not getting a task done.  I’m not sitting around watching Dancing with the Stars with my kids running around naked and 5 loads of laundry thrown all over the house. I work hard and commute long hours.  It should not that big of a deal if I miss a task here or there.  Now if someone could just convince my psyche.

I am really loving this book and am looking forward to what the rest holds for me.  If you are interested, there is a link to the book below.  I can’t wait to chat with you all about it!

Happy

*Picture is all Mark Hanson, the creator of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

What’s distracting me:

My Favorite Murder podcast.  It’s so stinking disturbing and so funny at the same time.  I want to listen to it all the time. Except when it gets dark.  Once it gets dark I totally freak out.  I also don’t recommend researching pictures of any of the murders they talk about.  Big mistake.  Huge!

What’s distracting you?

 

 


 

Dear Diary –

Yesterday was one of those days where the need to be “normal” was incredibly overwhelming.  I wanted my ADHD to go away.  Just doing the simplest task felt impossible.  I was Wesley pulling Buttercup out of Lighting Sand in the Fire Swamp.

I don’t normally have these days.  I know my strengths, I know my weaknesses.  In areas I know I’m week I take it slow and go over every step.  When I get overwhelmed I make a very detailed list of things to do and the order to do it in.  But last night I just couldn’t push the overwhelm away.

My current babysitter that helps us get Moo and Boo ready in the morning has started a real job as most college graduates do.  Looking for a babysitter is the worst.  I hate talking to new people and interviewing is worse.  I’m the boss in this situation and grilling them on their capabilities is so uncomfortable for me.  I often end up talking about myself and then never ask the questions I need to.

(If this is your first time visiting you might not know who Moo and Boo are.  Check out the post where I introduce my family.  Click Here)

I finally get Blue Eyes and I to have availability at the same time and am able to setup a time with the potential new babysitter on Tuesday.

Then my Mother-in-Law wants to pick up Moo and Boo on Tuesday and take them to dinner giving Blue Eyes and I some free time together.  So now to move the new babysitter to Wednesday.

Okay, that’s done.  Oh wait,  my therapist who is going on vacation for two months can only see me on Wednesday at 6.  Off to another conversation I am not good at to ask the potential new babysitter if she can come a half hour early.

All of this while trying to make dinner, convincing the girls to eat dinner in our air conditioner-less kitchen so I can avoid putting bug spray on them to eat outside.  We compromise on the floor watching TV (activate mom guilt). The dog is looking at me and asking me why he hasn’t had anything to eat since the night before (more guilt, more guilt, more guilt).  And then I remember that the girls both need tubs because they haven’t washed their hair in over a week.  And it’s a half hour before bedtime.  I had only gotten home an hour ago!

By the time Blue Eyes comes home I am on the verge of tears and I fully hate myself.  We have a quick check-in, a heart to heart and he tells me he loves me.  I go to bed to end the day so I can start over fresh in the morning.  But not without a 4 year old  in my bed because she can’t sleep because of her allergies.

I don’t often have these days and the days that I do I need to center and remember that it’s okay to be me.  I’m allowed to have off days.  We all are, ADHD or not.  I have compassion for everyone around me that has days like this and reassure them that there is no way to keep it all straight with so much going on.  I need to do a better job doing that for myself. So off to remind myself…. it’s okay to be me.

Happy

What’s distracting me: 

Lethargy.  When I’m in the doldrums I can’t focus on anything.  I get overwhelmed quickly and I don’t want to do anything.  It’s like my brain is wrapped in a gray mist and everything is blurry.  Ugh! I think I need to go to the gym.

What’s distracting you?

 

I’m so Mean!

I was in the car on the way home from the grocery store when I suddenly have an epiphany.   I am really mean.  Not to my family or friends or coworkers.  I’m really mean to myself.

I had been getting progressively more and more agitated as the day went on and there was no real identifiable reason.

Was it the girls being crazy in the grocery store (they were actually really well behaved)? Nope.
Was it the dog getting in my way all day?  Nope.
Was it the fact that I had been by myself all day while Blue Eyes played golf?  Nope.

I finally realized it was a teeny tiny little voice that I have lived with since I was about 7.  The voice of self doubt, the voice of too high expectations, the voice of every person who has ever asked “what is wrong with you”?

I had been puttering around all day trying to get the house in order and it seemed like every time I got a room cleaned I turned around and had made a mess elsewhere.

Why can’t you just clean up without making a mess?
What is wrong with you that you can’t do something as simple as clean a room?
I am such a spaz!
If you keep making a mess you’ll never get to play on your blog.
Forget playing with the girls.
Amy is a working mom and a doctor and isn’t a mess like this!

 

And so on…..  (I’m such a bully!)

 

Without realizing it, I had been beating myself up all day so that by the end of the day I am angry and sad.  I don’t think this is anything new.  I’ve been doing a lot of work to find the true source of my behaviors.  I think any time I’ve gotten angry at Blue Eyes or the girls, most of it stems from berating myself  because I am my worst critic.

This is really common in girls/women with ADHD.  When you are young and undiagnosed (especially in the 80’s), someone is always looking at you and asking why? (I found a really awesome article the other day to back this statement up but I was half asleep and didn’t save the link. And of course I can’t remember the name of it)

Why can’t you just sit and do your homework?
Why can’t you try harder?
Why didn’t you tell me that my boss called?
Why didn’t you call when you got to your friend’s house?

So many whys.  And the shitty part?? There is no answer!  When you are 7 and you can’t answer those questions you think something must be wrong with you.  That you must be “less than”.

 

Everyone else can do “it” and if I can’t I must be stupid, bad, unnatural, etc.

 

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 16 so I had 9 years of those questions.  9 years of no answers.  Once a diagnosis came, it didn’t get much better.  I wasn’t given the tools to truly understand what was wrong with me.  No one really dug in and asked me what I was feeling as a young child.  No one said, Happy, there is nothing wrong with you.  No one said,  Happy, it’s okay to be you. No one told me that my brain wasn’t inferior, it is just different.

So to this day, I say the same things to myself that was said to me when I was 7, 8, 9…. I’m 39, I know the answer and I still say those things to myself.  My expectations of myself are so high that I can almost never meet them.

I am working on giving myself a break.  I can’t do it all nor can I do it perfectly.  The crazy thing is no one can regardless if they have ADHD or not.  That’s a whole other topic.  Is it my ADHD or is there just too much going on for any one person to keep their shit together?

So where do I go from here?  I will try and catch myself sooner and stop the spiral.  I will remember that it’s okay to make a little bit of a mess as long as I put everything back together.  I will remember not to try and start 20 little projects all at once.  I will remember to unload the dishwasher, not reorganize the cabinets.  And most of all, I will remember to be kind to myself, love myself.

I am a work in progress and I am really proud of myself for taking responsibility of my actions and behaviors instead of just throwing in the towel and using ADHD as a reason I can’t get my shit together.  I don’t always get it right.  But I’m getting better.

 

What’s distracting me:

OMG have you listened to the Podcast S-Town or Up and Vanished?   They are both unsolved mystery cases like Serial from NPR.  Actually, S-Town is NPR.   S-Town is complete and Up and Vanished has a ton of episodes out.  I can’t get enough.  Just 5 more minutes, just 5 more minutes!!

What’s distracting you?

 

 

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For how knowledgeable I am about ADHD symptoms and skills and tips to help me cope, I am really uninformed when it comes to explaining what’s going on in the brain.  Well, that’s not really true.  I just can’t remember anything I read.

I keep seeing this term, Neurotypical, and I really didn’t know what it means.  So I decided to look it up.

Neurotipical: not affected with the development disorder and especially autism spectrum disorder: exhibiting or characteristic of typical neurological development.

Okay, that’s easy enough to understand.  Neurotypical basically describes “normal” people.  People without developmental disabilities.  Now I’ll understand what people are talking about in my ADHD groups on Facebook.

So now that I know the definition of Neurotypical, what is the opposite?  Before I tell you,  I have a short story to tell.

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago who is so obviously ADHD it’s shocking he hasn’t been diagnosed.  We were talking about his son and I was explaining what the downstream impacts can be if you don’t get a diagnosis early.  I was explaining my symptoms and how it affected me.  My friend started talking about his childhood and what he’s done to compensate in areas that he found challenging and how we both felt so different from the people around us, blah, blah, blah….. He turns to me and says “You know that movie with all the people in the different factions? I have always thought I was like the group that didn’t fit in one faction.”

I got so excited and I practically screamed “OMG I’M DIVERGENT TOO!”  I have always thought the Divergent books/movies were such a great analogy when thinking about my brain.

Imagine my surprises when the opposite of Neurotypical is NeuroDIVERGENT!!!

Neurodivergent basically describes anyone that is not Neurotypical; people with a deviation of the brain from the “normal”.  This can include autism, bipolar, dyslexia, ADHD and others.

It’s so fun when what could be some really boring research ends up having my life being similar to a movie.  I’m all about making analogies using movies or books.  I have a lot more research to do.  I want to really understand what is going on in my brain.  Hopefully there will be more movie analogies so I can actually retain the information.

One a side note: if you haven’t read the Divergent Series by Veronica Roth you really should.  They are wonderful.  I have them on audio and the narrator is awesome.  Check it out.

Thanks for reading.

Happy

What’s distracting me ?

Firepits! We are having work done in the yard and we may be adding a firepit.  Pinterest is the worst! Do I want gravel or sand or should we be more traditional and go with a stone patio.  I really like it when the “pit” looks like it was made that day with rocks pulled from the beach.  But maybe one of of those huge copper tubs would be cool.  Oh, and look at all the lighting options……..

What’s distracting you?

 

I have been having discussions with a friend about choices.  She knows I have ADHD and she knows I can’t get rid of it.  However, she doesn’t let me off the hook when I use my ADHD as a reason why I can’t do something.

“I can’t always control my emotions.”

“I call bull shit.  You can, you just choose not to.”

Is that true? I know that my impulse control (or lack thereof) makes it very difficult for me to ignore my gut reactions even when they are completely wrong.  And I know that my emotions can escalate wildly out of control in a heartbeat.  I also know that my lack of emotional control effects my family greatly and often in negative ways.

How can I make a choice over something I don’t have control over? Maybe I have to think about what I “can’t” do differently.  When I have a gut reaction or start to escalate what CAN I do?

WHAT CAN I DO?

In a situation like this, I remove myself if my emotions start to escalate.  Blue Eyes and I have a rule that if my emotions are over a 3 in a scale of 1-10 (yes, a 3) I need to remove myself from the conversation until I can collect myself and analyze the situation and my emotions.  I try and look at the situation from every angle. What am I really upset about?  What exactly was said that triggered me?  And I don’t come back to the conversation until I am under control.

Do I always succeed? No.  When it comes to my emotions do I often spiral out of control and it takes me hours to come out of it? Yes.  Sometimes I think I probably should remove myself until I can sleep it off.  That’s a little harder since life still has to go on.  What I know for sure is that I don’t have to subject my family to my crazy.  I am still a work in progress.  We all are.  But my thought process has changed.  There is a lot more I CAN do than I give myself credit for.  And if I don’t think I can, I know someone that will call me on my bullshit.

Other things I CAN do:

I can’t find my keys…. I CAN put a GPS tracking device on my keychain (or wallet or cat).

I can’t remember to take my meds…. I CAN make sure I have meds in the bathroom, my workbag, my desk at work to make sure when I do remember the meds are available.  Also a reminder on my phone telling me to take my meds!

I can’t keep a to-do list… I CAN have a notebook/phone/computer/Bullet Journal to help me with a list of to do’s.

I can’t find my notebook… I CAN always keep it in the same place so I always know where it is.  I CAN set alarms in my phone to remind me to look at my to-do list.

I can’t remember to sign my child’s permission slips… I CAN put reminders in my calendar, my spouse’s calendar, and phone to check my child’s backpack every single night to make sure there is nothing I need to look at. While I’m in there I might as well check on homework too.

I can’t pay my bills on time… I CAN set up automatic bill pay so that money is taken out of my account at the right time every month and I don’t have to think about it.

I can’t remember or bring myself to do any of these things… I CAN take one step at at time.  Moving forward and making the smallest step is progress towards success.

I can, I can, I can….

The point is that even though my brain doesn’t allow me to do normal things in a normal way, I can try and find a way to do them so I am successful.  My brain isn’t “normal”.  I can’t expect it to work that way.

I usually end my posts by telling you what’s distracting me and asking you to do the same?  I’d like to change it up a little and ask you to tell me how you have changed your can’ts into I CANs.  Leave some ideas in the comments so we can all learn from each other.

XOXOXO

Happy

 

I have a list of subjects I want to write about and then I go and read an article like this and I have this gut reaction (shocker) and I have to say something about it.

Based on my very first comment (woo hoo…. thank you world-turned-upside-down) I may need to rethink a “wait and see” approach before having Moo tested for ADHD. However, before I go spending a gazillion dollars on a specialist I decided to do some quick research to find some online ADHD tests to see what the questions were and if Moo fit any of them. My first thought is that if Moo does have ADHD (which she may not) she will have the Inattentive type.

Side Note: There are now three types of ADHD instead of the two (ADD/ADHD) that I grew up with. Someday I’ll do a great big post about the different types and what is going on in the brain. It’s just not going to be today. In the meantime, go check out this post by The Distracted Mom. She lays it out really nicely.

Okay, back to Moo. So I go and look at some quick online tests. It’s simple, if you answer yes to 5 or more of these questions then you have ADHD. (it’s really not that simple but you get the gist.) At first glance, Moo doesn’t answer one of them. I also think there are a ton of more symptoms that aren’t addressed especially when it comes to girls. So now I search “ADHD test for Girls”.

I still don’t find anything that sounds like Moo but what I do find is a list that sounds an awful lot like me. The Ultimate ADHD Test for Teenage Girls from ADDitude Magazine. In fact, I answered yes to every single question. And then I started to cry. I was diagnosed so long ago now so I don’t know why these things bother me so much. I feel like I had been crying out for help since I was 7 and no one could help me. Every day you wonder what is wrong with you, why can’t you be like everyone else. And way back in the olden times (as Moo likes to call it) no one could give me an answer. And once I finally had some sort of an answer, it was “Here, take this pill. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out”.

When I think about all the things I could have done differently, things that have haunted me my whole life (See #39) I get angry and sad. There was so much unnecessary pain. This is what I want to protect my girls from as much as I can. Moo and Boo need to make mistakes and learn from them. I’m not talking about being a helicopter mom. But as their mom, it is my job and responsibility to make sure they have the skills and resources they need to have successful lives and be able to handle anything that comes their way.

At some point I hope to make peace with my childhood and lack of the correct assistance from educators and health care professionals. I mean IT WAS SO FREAKING OBVIOUS!

Thankfully, I now have a lot of experience and knowledge to help my girlies in the ways I should have been helped. And right now, that’s all that really matters.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Chat with you all later.

Happy

What’s distracting me?

Window treatments! I spent way too much time trying to figure out window treatments for the 5 windows and 2 glass doors I have in my tiny living room when I should have been working. Not to mention the interior decorating rabbit hole it created. I think I liked at least 5 design pages on Facebook.

What’s distracting you?

 

The second I got pregnant with our oldest, I started freaking out. ADHD is genetic, what if I give it to my baby? I’d like to say I did everything I could while I was pregnant to reduce the risk of giving my child attention issues but I could barely drink enough water for myself on a daily basis. I mean, I wasn’t smoking a pack a day but I did eat a lot of Mac-N-Cheese to-go cups. You can’t blame me! They were the perfect size and I could actually keep them down in my first trimester.

At some point I had to stop freaking and just wait and see. Fast forward 9 years and I watch both Moo and Boo like a hawk. My biggest concern is that we will get mad at the girls for something they cannot control. As a kid, I would run to my best friends house who lived 100 yards away and I would forget to call when I got there. Literally, 100 yards. My parents would remind me as I was walking out the door to call them as soon as I got there and the second I stepped off the deck into the dark scary night, the thought was completely gone. I’d do this almost every single time and I got yelled at a lot over it. Lot’s of “Why can’t you remember, Happy?” And the answer was always “I don’t know.”

I watch my girls, and they are so different and see so many potential signs for ADHD. Moo gets agitated very quickly and then spirals into an emotional tornado. She’s the one I’ve really been watching as she has her some funny quirks that I can’t really put my finger on and had some slight trouble early on making friends in Kindergarten. To be honest, she reminds me a lot of me. Just a little left of center which is awesome when you get older but really hard to handle as a kid.

Boo I haven’t figured out yet. She seems to be all around more stable or at least I thought so until we went to Target this weekend and found myself sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen organization aisle trying to get Boo’s attention. I literally had her sitting in my lap and she could not sit still or take me seriously. She had been running around like a maniac, touching everything and just overall not listening. She’s always kind of like that but it seemed way over the top this time around.

Now, Boo may be acting like a completely normal kid. I DON’T KNOW!! I have no idea what’s normal. I have no idea what behavior is caused by sugar vs disfunctioning neurotransmitters. All I know is that I couldn’t get her to come back to me. She was in complete la la land and wanted to stay there. It was the first real time I’ve wondered if she couldn’t control herself even if she wanted to.

I’m so worried about missing something. I’m worried about overthinking things. I’m worried about giving too much leeway and getting taken advantage of. And I’m really worried about trying to discipline actions that the girls have no control over. Nothing is worse than trying to do what your parents ask you to and then not be able to deliver.

So, for now, I just listen to Moo’s teachers. She is doing great is school and we just picked up some really low level glasses to help with reading since she’s been getting headaches. She’s doing so much better than I did at this age but she’s also a perfectionist and gets bogged down with timed activities and has trouble transitioning. Again, that could be totally normal or she could be in hyper focus and can’t get out of it. I don’t know.

I will watch Boo too. Her preschool teachers have nothing but good things to say and she seems to only act like a crazy person with me. Who knows????

What I do know is that I love them with every ounce of my being and I will do whatever I can to make sure that if either one of them has this disorder that they see it as something that makes them unique and special. I want them to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them the way I wish someone had said to me.

Sooooo, on that happy note I am off to bed. Peace out homies!

Happy

What’s distracting me?

Overwhelm! I have so many ideas for this blog; I have a deadline for work tomorrow at 11am; I need to make my lunch; the gypsy moth’s are back, should I get my yard sprayed; yada, yada, yada. One thing at a time…..

What’s distracting you?

 

I’m in the middle of writing up my next post about working from home and how I need structure and have a hard time focusing at work and decided to take one of 20 breaks to make crock pot steel cut oatmeal. I started to mention my hubby and my kids and thought “How will my new friends know who I am talking about?”

I started giving everyone pseudonyms but was having trouble explaining who they were. The post was getting all crazy trying to insert the fun names and then explain the people and it was totally boring and distracting from the original point of the post. I figured a post that explains who everyone is was probably a good idea. So without further ado…..

Blue Eyes: This is my darling husband. Blonde/Brown curly hair with stunning blue eye. Both my girls have been blessed with those baby blues and not my boring green. (I mean, my green isn’t boring but they aren’t Kristen Stewart green if you know what I mean.) Blue Eyes is larger than life. He’s a big dude with a lot of personality and love in his heart. He is one of the smartest people I know which is so cool as well as incredibly annoying.

The names for the girls is a tough call cause these are real nicknames and it’s still unclear to me how much I should be protecting the girls’ identities. I guess I’ll figure it in the next few weeks so don’t be surprised if you see a change.

Moo: Moo is my oldest, currently at 9 yrs old. She is stubborn, strong willed and a perfectionist. And she’s freaking gorgeous and doesn’t have a clue which is awesome. At 9 yrs old the drama is already off the charts but Moo is a really good friend and cares deeply.

Boo: Boo is 4 and such a ham. She wears whatever she wants which usually includes a skirt of some sort (during the day and at bedtime). She loves her sister and hates it when anyone is angry at her. She loves to laugh and play pretend. Pretending she’s 9 like her sister does not make for easy bedtimes however.

So those are the main characters in my daily life. There are more of course and I suppose we shall meet them along the way. Thanks for stopping by again.

Happy

What’s distracting me today:

Again…. this blog! I haven’t gotten one ounce of work done but I did start crock pot oatmeal and a load of laundry that has been done and sitting in the wash for an hour.

What’s distracting you?

If you hang around long enough you will notice that the amount of quotes I pull from movies to describe my life is staggering. At least I assume you will… I mean this is truly my first post after all.

What About Bob.  Classic movie, check it out!

via GIPHY

I wanted to give you a little more insight as to who I am and why I bothered with this blog in the first place.

So as I mention in the about me, I’m 39 years old, I have two daughters and I work in Corporate America with a crazy commute. I’ve been married to an awesome guy for almost 13 years. He puts up with my ADHD which is so difficult and I put up with his version of crazy. It just happens to not really have a name. I mean we all have some version of crazy. Our life is busy and sometime insane and my ADHD throws quite a bit of complexity into the mix.  And until recently, I really thought that I couldn’t make any improvements to the way I lived my life.

I had been diagnosed at 16 which I had always thought was really late and my brain was too hard coded to learn to live any differently. I was so wrong. Shortly after my father died in 2014, something prompted me to look into my ADHD and get some help. I needed help dealing with my Dad’s death and to tackle some of my ADHD symptoms as well. I found an awesome ADHD coach that helped me deal with some of my grief and also made me understand aspects of my ADHD that I had no idea existed.

 

I went (and am still going) from “I am limited due to my disability and dislike my ADHD as much as my husband does. Nothing can be done to improve it because it’s too late for me to really learn any copying skills” to “I have ADHD and I love myself for all my quirks and if said quirks bother you then your loss cause I’m awesome”. And “if I do ‘this’ then life becomes just a little bit easier” Well, that’s the abbreviated version 🙂

To get me from one thought process to the other has been a ton for work, a lot of tears and ah ha moments. I had to learn to love myself which was so hard because I didn’t realize I hated myself in the first place. There is still a lot of work to be done. One of the biggest things I have learned is that it’s never too late to improve. Some of the skills, tips and tricks I have learned are so easy. There is a big part of me that wishes I came to the realization sooner but that isn’t healthy and I truly am grateful that I got to have the realization at all. So many people don’t.

Through this journey I have discovered there is so little information about adult ADHD. I mean, the information is out there on how to improve your life or to make life a little easier. However, ADHD is so new there isn’t a lot for adults with ADHD. At least not easily accessible. Having ADHD as a child impacts our lives as adults. Having such a painful childhood lives with us until we have a chance to inspect it. Until we are diagnosed we don’t get to do that. There are so many “why’s” and “what if’s.”

The idea for this blog came to me because as I learn about myself and ADHD in general, I have seen other adults in my life struggling and have felt compelled to nerdjack (yes, it’s a term, look it up) our conversations and tell them all about my journey. Some people have been really receptive and their eyes have opened to possible new ways of living their own life. There are so many people out there that think ADHD (and most mental disorders) are fake and it’s so far from the truth. People I know, my neighbors, family members and friends are suffering and they don’t even know it. They think if they just worked a little harder it will get better. There is a lot of finger pointing and misunderstanding.

I am incredibly lucky to have been diagnosed when I was, even if it was really late. So many people didn’t get that opportunity for whatever reason. If I get one person to come across my blog and say, “OMG it’s like she knows my brain” I will consider all this work worth it. Sometimes just knowing you are not the only one experiencing something can make the experience a little easier to handle.

So I am going to stop rambling now. I am by no means Shakespeare so I will be thrilled if half of this makes any sense and I haven’t completely turned you off. Come on back soon to see what else my brain wants to share. Thanks!

Happy

What’s distracting me?

Creating a blog of course! It’s really stinking hard! And finding the perfect yellow cardigan to go with a new top that I got. I spent at least an hour on Pinterest today looking for one which led to looking for a new pair of shorts which led to finding sandals that don’t go between your toes to trying to figure out when I can fit in a pedicure.

What’s distracting you?

Hi All! I’m trying to figure this whole blogging thing out. Please bear with me with I wrestle with wordpress to get my first post posted. Should be soon. If I don’t get distracted that is.

Thanks!

Happy