I have been having discussions with a friend about choices. She knows I have ADHD and she knows I can’t get rid of it. However, she doesn’t let me off the hook when I use my ADHD as a reason why I can’t do something.
“I can’t always control my emotions.”
“I call bull shit. You can, you just choose not to.”
Is that true? I know that my impulse control (or lack thereof) makes it very difficult for me to ignore my gut reactions even when they are completely wrong. And I know that my emotions can escalate wildly out of control in a heartbeat. I also know that my lack of emotional control effects my family greatly and often in negative ways.
How can I make a choice over something I don’t have control over? Maybe I have to think about what I “can’t” do differently. When I have a gut reaction or start to escalate what CAN I do?
WHAT CAN I DO?
In a situation like this, I remove myself if my emotions start to escalate. Blue Eyes and I have a rule that if my emotions are over a 3 in a scale of 1-10 (yes, a 3) I need to remove myself from the conversation until I can collect myself and analyze the situation and my emotions. I try and look at the situation from every angle. What am I really upset about? What exactly was said that triggered me? And I don’t come back to the conversation until I am under control.
Do I always succeed? No. When it comes to my emotions do I often spiral out of control and it takes me hours to come out of it? Yes. Sometimes I think I probably should remove myself until I can sleep it off. That’s a little harder since life still has to go on. What I know for sure is that I don’t have to subject my family to my crazy. I am still a work in progress. We all are. But my thought process has changed. There is a lot more I CAN do than I give myself credit for. And if I don’t think I can, I know someone that will call me on my bullshit.
Other things I CAN do:
I can’t find my keys…. I CAN put a GPS tracking device on my keychain (or wallet or cat).
I can’t remember to take my meds…. I CAN make sure I have meds in the bathroom, my workbag, my desk at work to make sure when I do remember the meds are available. Also a reminder on my phone telling me to take my meds!
I can’t keep a to-do list… I CAN have a notebook/phone/computer/Bullet Journal to help me with a list of to do’s.
I can’t find my notebook… I CAN always keep it in the same place so I always know where it is. I CAN set alarms in my phone to remind me to look at my to-do list.
I can’t remember to sign my child’s permission slips… I CAN put reminders in my calendar, my spouse’s calendar, and phone to check my child’s backpack every single night to make sure there is nothing I need to look at. While I’m in there I might as well check on homework too.
I can’t pay my bills on time… I CAN set up automatic bill pay so that money is taken out of my account at the right time every month and I don’t have to think about it.
I can’t remember or bring myself to do any of these things… I CAN take one step at at time. Moving forward and making the smallest step is progress towards success.
I can, I can, I can….
The point is that even though my brain doesn’t allow me to do normal things in a normal way, I can try and find a way to do them so I am successful. My brain isn’t “normal”. I can’t expect it to work that way.
I usually end my posts by telling you what’s distracting me and asking you to do the same? I’d like to change it up a little and ask you to tell me how you have changed your can’ts into I CANs. Leave some ideas in the comments so we can all learn from each other.
XOXOXO
Happy
2 Comments
Great post! My son has adhd and I have noticed as a grown man he has found ways to overcome his challenges by using some of the above steps as well.
Thank you! That’s so great for your son. I’m glad he’s found some tricks that work for him. Thank you so much for commenting.