You know that moment in a conversation when you think “how did we get here?” I love that moment. I love to backtrack, retrace my steps and figure out the conversational lane changes my brain took me on. I think it’s really funny. In fact, until very recently I thought everyone did this only to realize that not everyone takes left turns at Albuquerque. What’s up doc?!
(If you didn’t get that reference you are probably really young and now I feel really old. Google it!)
What’s the point of all this you ask? Well, not only do these “lane changes” happen in conversations with other people but my internal thoughts are like this as well.
I’m in the shower the other night and my is brain all over the place. Vernon Dursley’s direction changes to evade Harry’s letter to Hogwarts have got nothing on my runaway thoughts.
I think “Hey, it would be really funny if people could see inside my head right now. I think they’d run away screaming”. That thought leads to other thoughts of all the times I tried to explain what goes on inside my head to loved ones or friends or even the schmo on the street who doesn’t believe ADHD is real. Jerk! I can never seem to get the point across. So what better way to explain my mental game of Whack a Mole then to just splatter it all over the internet?
Brain? Meet the internet. Internet, my brain….
I am so fucking tired. It’s crazy how I can have so much energy and work so hard all day and then 5:00 rolls around and I crash. Just this morning I was thinking I’ll work until midnight. I feel great so I’ll surely still feel great at 10:00 at night. Ha! I finally got in the shower at 9:00 and the girls still aren’t asleep. Why won’t those fuckers go to sleep? They were so freaking tired and the second I say “time to brush your teeth” they pop acid and run amok. At least that’s what it feels like. And I’m so tired. I wish my energy got greater as the day progressed. Like Benjamin Button. By the end of the day I’d be a rock star on acid myself. But wait, would that even work? I mean I’d be a useless geriatric in the morning so what good would that do. How long would it take for me to start feeling functional? 10 am? Noon? I mean if I have to wait until like 2 in the afternoon then this idea is obviously not going to work. I really hope the girls are asleep by the time I get out of the shower. I really want them to go to sleep. How am I going to be functional tomorrow? My body aches all over, I’ve been on my feet all day and yesterday too. I really need to figure out how to do My Story on Instagram. I am have no idea how to do that. How do I do stories and keep myself anonymous? I guess I could video a stuffed animal or something. Would that be boring? Will people connect with me if I do that? It’s not the same as seeing my face. Gaaahhhhh I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I just want to blog and stuff all day. It’s so much more fun and there is so much to learn. Who knew Pinterest was such a big deal to blogging? That shit’s crazy. It would be really funny if people could see inside my head right now I am all over the place. I could do a blog post about all the crazy shit that goes on in my head. OMG that’s an awesome idea, I’m totally going to do that. Maybe someone could actually use my crazy head to help explain what it’s like to live in the head of someone with ADHD. I really need to get my shit together and eat right, exercise and meditate. Maybe then I wouldn’t be all over the place. I really want to use the blog to help create accountability for that. It sounded awesome hours ago to commit to getting up at 5 and working out, meditating and all that. Right now it feels impossible. Maybe I could commit to one thing. Like meditating. But if I’m going to commit to that why not just commit to it all. It’s because I’m afraid of failing and letting my followers down. Ha, “my followers” I sound so stuck up. God I’m tired. I hope those fuckers are asleep. Youth is so wasted on the young.
And…. end scene. Happy walks of stage right in a towel pissed off and muttering to herself that the fuckers aren’t asleep yet.
If you are reading this and do not have ADHD, note that all of these thoughts probably take place in about 120 seconds, if that. If you do have ADHD then you know what I’m talking about.
And really, it’s still doesn’t do the experience justice. Maybe because in those same 120 seconds, my emotions change with each of those thoughts. I go from feeling defeated for losing my energy to exhilarated at the idea of someone freaking out trying to keep up with all the thoughts in my head and then back to irritated because Moo and Boo aren’t asleep yet and every other emotion in between.
I’m tired just writing this. So the next time you have a conversation and wonder, “how did we get here”? Now you know. I need a cookie
What’s distracting me:
Dress shopping. I have like 5 weddings to go to in the month of August and September and I hate dress shopping. And it’s with a bunch of the same people so it’s not like I can wear the same dress over and over again. And I know this is starting to sound like an ad (which is kinda is cause if you click on the link below you get $30 off your first rental and then so do I) but seriously… I spent over an hour this morning looking for a dress on Rent the Runway. And every time they send me an email with new styles (which is pretty often) I spend another hour changing my mind. I also think of the Christmas party that MIGHT be happening that I MIGHT be invited to and the dress I want to wear to that. That often adds a half hour or so to the search. THERE IS NO PARTY YET! That’s crazy talk that’s what that is. But back to the point, I haven’t bought a dress in two years and I get to wear designer dresses that I could never afford on my own. I haven’t gotten a bad dress yet which is amazing considering how risky is it to get a dress 2 days before an event and have never tried it on before. Luckily there are a ton of reviews for each dress with tons of pictures of real people in the dress. So seriously, go check it out Rent the Runway. You get $30 off your first order by using this link: Go get a seriously awesome, expensive dress that you don’t have a to pay a lot for. No, seriously! Go do it!
What’s distracting you?